A Mere Shadow
by ryoku1
Summary: Leo makes a strange request. Elliot complies, but can't help wonder why Leo made the request at all.


Leo ghosted one calloused finger over the small of Elliot's back. The small contact, warm and promising, made Elliot want to tense and soften in the same breath. He had to resist shuttering at the touch. He wondered why he was even letting Leo do this, before burying his head in the pillow to hide his embarrassment, and the less savory sounds he was trying not to make. He was positive his cheeks would be red, and he didn't want to be teased even more than he already was.

"I like this one." Leo stated fondly, running his finger over the spot again - around, an x, the dot of an i. Leo used his finger as if it was a paint brush, ghosting over the spot again and again in different ways. This time, Elliot couldn't help the shudder, and the labored exhale that went with it. In embarrassment, he buried his face even further into the pillow. The giggle that came from his friend was plenty of evidence that Leo had felt it too. "If you're uncomfortable, we can stop."

Elliot mumbled out something that was supposed to be a disgruntled 'I don't care', but with the pillow in his face, it didn't really come out as anything coherent. Above him, Leo laughed, but it sounded hollow, even to Elliot's ear.

"It's okay, you can sit up now." The finger that had been lingering in the small of Elliot's back slowly pulled away, and Elliot could feel Leo's hands run themselves up his back, and onto his shoulders instead. Elliot turned his head sideways, so that he could see Leo smiling down at him, before hoisting himself up into a sitting position on the bed.

Elliot stretched out his shoulders, feeling Leo's hands fall away as Elliot extended them up and down, back and forth, trying to get any kinks out. He rolled them a few times for good measure, and as he settled them, he felt Leo's hands snaking up to rest on his shoulders once more. He looked over at the other quizzically, before Leo started rolling his fingers over Elliot's shoulders in rhythmic circles, putting just enough pressure to make the blond want to melt. Elliot allowed his eyes to close, and eased into the feel of it, of Leo's hands on him, and how nice that felt. But even in the haze of pleasure he was being given, Elliot knew something was off.

"Leo." To his own ear, the sound was like a mewl, soft and sultry, and needy, but it wasn't supposed to be like that, not at all. It needed to be firmer. The hands on his shoulder's didn't stop, they just kept on kneading away at his flesh, and damn did it feel good. He could have easily gotten lost in the overwhelming sense of it. "Leo." And this time, it didn't sound like a desperate plea, and Elliot was thankful for that. It wasn't right, but it was better. The hands on his shoulders wavered for just a moment, before resuming, and Elliot felt himself hitch at the sudden absence, and return of those fingers.

If he let himself, he could dissolve into Leo's skilled hands, and let everything just fade away. But he knew it was something he couldn't allow. Leo liked to hide, liked to divert his attention from what was actually going on, and more often than not, Elliot fell for it hook line and sinker; it would only be days later, that he'd even realize he'd miss something, and then he'd be unspeakably angry. But at that exact moment, he knew something was wrong, and he would be damned if he just let it go. He was to oblivious most of the time, so when he felt something was off, he had to act on it fast.

Gently, Elliot reached back, and took one of Leo's hands in his. The massage stopped, and Elliot gave one labored sigh at its loss, before shifting, so that he could look back at Leo properly. "Leo, what's wrong?"

Taking a good look at him, Elliot realized that Leo looked tired, his eyes more crinkled, the dark splotches under his eyes more pronounced than usual. Was he having problems sleeping? Was that it? Elliot didn't know, never seemed to know anything that was going on in Leo's head. Wasn't smart enough or observant enough to just know, and Leo never volunteered the information.

Leo didn't answer, instead his half lidded eyes lingered on Elliot's chest, and quite suddenly, Elliot felt very naked. He still had his trousers on, but Leo had requested he take his shirt off, and he'd complied. It didn't seem fair that Leo still had all of his clothes on, but Elliot shook his head. He was getting distracted again.

He opened his mouth, but the words died on his lips as Leo pulled his hand out of Elliot's grasp, and reached up. He touched a mole on the left side of Elliot's abdomen, right where the ribs were. Elliot shuddered again, because he hadn't expected it. "I love your moles." Leo said, running his finger up and down, and around the little black dot. Gently, Leo slid his hand up, so that it was rested right over Elliot's heart, and only then did he shift his eyes up to Elliot's face.

With his other hand, Leo gently caressed the spot under Elliot's eye, where Elliot knew his most prominent mole was. The touch was intoxicating. "This one," Leo pressed a little harder, put the pressure wasn't anything uncomfortable or unsettling. "is always there. No matter what."

Elliot scrunched up his eyes in confusion, and looked straight at Leo. "Are the others...not?" It didn't make sense, but sometimes, Leo didn't make sense. Elliot always had to remind himself that was okay. Leo didn't have to make sense all the time, but that didn't stop him from wanting to understand.

Leo sighed, and it sounded dejected, despondent. "No, they aren't." Leo looked down at his other hand, the one lingering on Elliot's chest, right above his heart. "In my dreams, there's one right here." Leo spread his fingers out, and gazed at the flesh in-between his digits. "It's always moving, just up and down with your breathing, and the beating of your heart." Leo paused, and for just a moment, as Elliot looked at his eyes, it felt like the world was ending. "Until it isn't."

Elliot frowned, and placed his hand gently over Leo's. Slowly, he pried it away from his chest. He shook his head, and smiled. "See? I don't have one there." He leaned down, and placed a soft kiss on Leo's lips. "Whoever stopped breathing on you, isn't me. "

The two of them fell into silence, Leo's hand falling away from Elliot's face, and Elliot threading their fingers together in the other. Almost hesitantly, Leo leaned forward, and rested his head on Elliot's chest. Elliot was at a loss for words, so with his other hand, he reached up and ran his fingers through Leo's thick hair. "You really aren't feeling well. You passed up a perfect joke there. I left the door open and everything."

Against his chest, Leo hummed, and shut his eyes. "Guess I did. It didn't even cross my mind."

Elliot huffed, but it lacked his usual emphasis. "As you can tell, since you've got your ear to my chest, I'm still breathing." He twirled one of Leo's thick strands of hair around his finger, let it go, and then wove his fingers through the dark hair. "It was just a nightmare, Leo. I'm right here, that wasn't me."

Leo pulled away from his chest, Elliot's hand in his hair falling away in the process. But without pause, Leo settled his head in the crook of Elliot's neck. He nuzzled himself in, and the steady in and out of his breathing tickled Elliot's chin, making him shudder all over again. If Leo noticed it that time -Elliot was sure he did- he didn't say anything about it. "It was you, but it wasn't _this_ you." He took a deep breath in, and a deep breath out, and Elliot could feel the warmth of his air on his shoulder. "And that's enough."

Elliot blinked quizzically, before resting his head on top of Leo's. He moved his hand to rest on Leo's back, pulling him in closer. Closeness seemed to be what Leo needed, though as always, Elliot was never sure. "You're going all cryptic on me."

There was a pause, as Leo hid his face farther into Elliot's shoulder. "Sorry." Leo whimpered, and if he hadn't been so close to Elliot's ear, Elliot might have missed it. Might have missed how it wasn't a whisper, but a whimper, might have missed the anxiety it was laced in. That wouldn't do.

"Don't apologize." And he meant it, because it was him who really needed to apologize, if he'd made Leo think he had to. Elliot never wanted to make Leo feel like he was being dismissed, but he was probably bad at that too. "I don't really get it, but I want to. Tell me about the me that isn't me."

Leo chuckled, and it sounded lighter. "There are too many. Not even I can keep them straight."

Sometimes, Leo left him very, very confused. Elliot blinked, and shook his head, before nuzzling down into Leo's hair. "How many of me have you got in there?"

"Too many." Elliot could hear the smile in his tone, as Leo tightened their laced fingers, and wrapped his other arm around Elliot's shoulders. "But I seem to like it that way."


End file.
